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Pulling Power


Pulling Power

Although having no memory of it, this correspondent must have enjoyed his first taste of chocolate, as the sight of them in shops & petrol stations nowadays stimulates an urge to consume them. The same was true, years later for tasting Bulmers, although your correspondent does remember this; was in the Orchard in Rathfarnham, after being diagnosed a Coeliac and having to change from drinking beer to Bulmers.


However the pleasure of surrendering for three-and-a-bit decades to those chocolate urges, and the joy of giving in for a decade to those Bulmers impulses has now left this correspondent with a pancreas that packs up at a nibble of the former & a sup of the latter.

Your correspondent was prompted to recall the trouble chocolate & Bulmers has caused his pancreas by two stories read (one recent & the other a few years ago) where yielding to urges also created trouble.


The first (read a few years ago) concerns a story told by Jeffrey Bernard (deceased Spectator Columnist). Jeffrey tells a tale he heard, of three nubile girls holding down and raping a bloke one evening on Malibu Beach, California. Jeffrey does not tell us a motive for the attack (presumed some sort of sexual urge) but he does inform the reader that the following day, regular Malibu beach-goers were annoyed, as you couldn’t see the sea for the entire male population of Southern California.


The second (similar theme) relates to an article read in the Times newspaper a few weeks back where it was reported that three women kidnapped a bloke on a Port Elizabeth road in South Africa, using a gun, parked up, forced him to drink from bottle and then gang-raped him.

The report informs the reader the motive for the attack was a desire to obtain semen, as when the attack ended, the women gathered the man’s semen into a plastic bag, put it in a cooler box, and then let him go.


Now this correspondent is not a betting man (as been said in previous correspondence), but he is willing to wager that the following day, regular Port Elizabeth road-users would have been irritated by the sight of a significant proportion of the male population of the Eastern Cape Province in their way.


Thankfully now this Correspondent is able to resist the urge in shops, petrol stations & pubs with the aid of alternatives (Sugar-free chocolate & Bulmers-light, also sugar-free) that don’t trouble his jaded pancreas.


Your Correspondent hopes that in the future the girls (from Malibu & Port Elizabeth) will also be able to resist the urge to bother solitary males on beaches & roadsides (& its accompanying problems for regular beach-goers & road-users), and suggests Gigolos & Sperm banks as options to help them from temptation.

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