Girls I’ve Met
By
Lightweight Louie Danver
(A Ronnie Barker character)
I knew a girl called Jeannie Jones
She was nothing but skin and bones,
I knew a girl called Janie Scott
She had bumps where Jean had not.
I knew a girl called Susie Strong
Her feet were large and her legs were long,
Her feet were so large that it is said
She had to take her pants off over her head.
I knew a girl called Droopy Drawers
Her ears stuck out like taxi doors,
Tall as a pole and thin as a candle
Hard to please but easy to handle;
Took her out in the wind and rain
She blew round like a weather vane,
By the fire warm and snug
Melted her upon the rug.
I knew a girl called Jennifer Goafer
She had hips like a well-stuffed sofa,
If she sat on you she’d squash you flat
(Boy! I sure kept out of that);
She was buxom, big and round
Gave good value pound for pound,
Like a mountaineer upon a climb
I conquered her a bit of time.
I knew a girl called Big-time Bella
‘Til I found she was a fellah,
We parted friends and everything
But he never sent back the engagement ring.
I knew a girl called Topsy Turvey
She was cute and she was curvy,
She was sweet and she was sunny
Now I’m paying her alimony.
