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louie Danvers

Girls I’ve Met



Lightweight Louie Danver

(A Ronnie Barker character)


I knew a girl called Jeannie Jones

She was nothing but skin and bones,

I knew a girl called Janie Scott

She had bumps where Jean had not.

I knew a girl called Susie Strong

Her feet were large and her legs were long,

Her feet were so large that it is said

She had to take her pants off over her head.


I knew a girl called Droopy Drawers

Her ears stuck out like taxi doors,

Tall as a pole and thin as a candle

Hard to please but easy to handle;

Took her out in the wind and rain

She blew round like a weather vane,

By the fire warm and snug

Melted her upon the rug.


I knew a girl called Jennifer Goafer

She had hips like a well-stuffed sofa,

If she sat on you she’d squash you flat

(Boy! I sure kept out of that);

She was buxom, big and round

Gave good value pound for pound,

Like a mountaineer upon a climb

I conquered her a bit of time.


I knew a girl called Big-time Bella

‘Til I found she was a fellah,

We parted friends and everything

But he never sent back the engagement ring.

I knew a girl called Topsy Turvey

She was cute and she was curvy,

She was sweet and she was sunny

Now I’m paying her alimony.










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