Wishful Thinking
Apologies to the two readers of this column for not producing anything since November. My reason for being out of circulation had to do with writing a play for work (in case you thought I carked it or more likely was sacked). Anyhow not much has changed in the life of this correspondent since. I got a nice E-Christmas card around the festive period, from the good people at the Alumni of the University of Greenwich, London (I’m a past graduate of theirs; they also send me a message every year on my Birthday wishing me well; know its a computer algorithm sending it, but it is the thought that counts). I didn’t receive a reply to my offer of a steak meal from Cheryl Versini’s management company, I sent back in January. I did however receive correspondence from the Department of Transport informing me that my quarterly car tax was due for renewal & from Debenhams who advised me of the benefits of using my rewards card (I’ve only ever used it once, when I got it, after purchasing a blazer there about two years ago).
Still its nice to be noticed, even if it is only for your money. Around this time, I also came across another institution that shared my Alumni & Debenhams’s view of keeping up communication with their ex-graduates & ex-customers respectively, namely the Indian Police. I read in the Times newspaper of them sending out a text message to 600,000 sex-offenders they’d previously registered. The message read “You and your phone are still under observation. Hope your conduct is upright now. We wish you a Happy New Year.”
Unlike my benign view of receiving E-cards, bills & promotions from University of Greenwich, the Department of Transport & Debenhams, I’d imagine these Indian sex-offenders would have preferred their previous dealings with the Police to have been forgotten about, and (if they had the choice) not receive a text message informing them they’re under observation, to behave themselves, and be wished a Happy New Year. Still they can take solace from the fact that their victims will feel it nice they are being noticed.
P.S. After four months and no reply, I’d also prefer to forget about my offer of a steak meal to Cheryl Versini. If I had the choice now (highly unlikely, but be idealistic for story purposes) I’d offer it instead to the pretty girl in local newsagent who sells me my newspaper.
Poraic Cahill has recently authored a book, which is available for purchase by clicking here
