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Unruffle Feathers


This correspondent has encountered a few sufferers of verbals (abuse) from time spent in the local. The poor unfortunates come into the boozer, order a drink, and unburden themselves of the volleys received from their missus/partners through-out the week.They gain some relief for a brief period, but as they leave the boozer, you can see the smile leave their face as they return home for more of the same.

This correspondent may have come up with an idea for turning their experience (of receiving verbals) from one of suffering to one of entertainment.
Your correspondent stumbled across the idea after reading an article by Will Pavia in the Times concerning two parrots; where the first parrot (Peaches) gave his present owners a rendition of a heated argument every morning for two minutes, she learnt from her previous owners, a couple who eventually divorced (acts out opposing points of view); and the second parrot which was owned by Mr James Reynolds an estate agent, who attempted to have his Parrot testify in a divorce case.His reasoning for calling his parrot was to show that the bird had learnt to call him abusive names (presumably by the missus). The judge refused his request stating it was almost impossible to place a parrot under oath.Now after reading about James’s Parrot ability to call him by abusive names, and Peaches’s ability to recall & perform her ex-owner’s argument, this correspondent got the idea of using a parrot to transform the experiences of those who receive a regular volley of verbals, from an endurance one to enjoyable one.

Here’s how it would work. The sufferer would head to the local pet shop and purchase a parrot. They would then arrive home and place the parrot in an area of the house where the abuse is at its most prevalent i.e. kitchen, bedroom. At the end of the week, the sufferer would head to the local with the parrot. They would first order a drink. They would then take the cover off the cage, and call out their name (in the Mr Reynolds example), or call out a word/s used in an argument (in the Peaches example) to the bird to stimulate it. The sufferer would then sit back with friends and listen to the bird unburden itself of the verbals (abuse) it had learnt through-out the week. When the bird had finished, as a reward, he/she could be fed some nuts, and then put to sleep by placing the cover back over the cage.On leaving the boozer the sufferer would have a smile on his face, not so much due to the entertainment provided by the parrot, but more because of thoughts of what the parrot might learn (during the week) to perform at the next sitting.

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