I’m a single woman in my mid thirties and while I am happy to be single to a certain degree, I love having the bed to myself and having the freedom to do what I want, or go where I want when I want. There is that small part of me that fantasises about meeting ‘the one’ and having the fairytale wedding where all eyes are on me for the day. However I am no longer interested in trying to meet Mr Right in a noisy overcrowded pub or club. So I have decided to look at alternative ways of finding the man of my dreams. Firstly I decided to look at online dating, as this type of dating has become increasingly popular in recent years.
I did online dating a few years ago and I went on a couple of dates. On one website called ‘Plenty of Fish’ I got chatting to a guy online called ‘Mark’. On Mark’s profile it said he was of medium build and medium height and his picture depicted him as having light brown hair and dark blue eyes. We had arranged to meet in the popular French bar on Dawson Street ‘Café en Seine’. I had text to say I was running a few minutes late as I was stuck in traffic (that was a white lie, I couldn’t decide what to wear!) so that made me late! He had said he was already there and sitting near the door by the bar.
I circled the bar looking for him. I glanced over to where a man was staring in my direction and sipping his pint, beside the door. This man looked nothing like the man in his photo. So I thought I must have been mistaken. Then as I went to walk away, he stood up and said ‘Gill’? I replied ‘Yes’ Mark? He nodded and gestured for me to sit down. I smiled and said I didn’t recognise him as he looked different to his photo. He murmured that it had been taken a couple of years ago. He was small, only my height and build. He wasn’t my usual type but we chatted easily for hours and I enjoyed his company. I felt no physical connection to him but I did find him funny and interesting. He walked me to my bus stop, a true gentleman in my eyes. He went to kiss me goodnight and I quickly moved my body away from his face and into his chest for a hug instead. I didn’t think it was fair to give him the wrong impression. He seemed satisfied with the hug.
I waved goodbye to him from the bus and on the journey home wondered why he had not advertised his own picture. Surely he would know I would see it wasn’t him when I met up with him? Did he think he wasn’t attractive enough to put up his own picture?
Although I didn’t find him attractive, another woman could find him adorable! Beauty is in the eye of the beholder after all. I think there is still too much emphasis on appearance. I have been on dates with guys who I didn’t find physically attractive but there was a connection there, so that was the attraction for me.
Recently a friend of mine went on a date with a guy she met on the dating website, Be2. They had arranged to go for coffee and to the cinema afterwards. She said he was friendly and had a good personality. He was also very motivated as he is self employed as a golfing instructor. However she just didn’t feel the spark there. Unfortunately he did feel a spark for her, because he had flowers and a card delivered to her the next day. She said she found this very overwhelming. The gesture was nice but it was too much too soon. She thanked him for the flowers, but told him that she was sorry but she just didn’t feel the same way about him. She didn’t feel it would be fair to lead him on.
Do’s and Don’ts of online dating
• When you have written your profile be sure to spell check it.
• Try and put something different in your interests section so you will stand out when guys are checking your profile.
• It is important to be discerning when you are meeting someone for a date for the first time. You should let a friend or family member know where you are meeting him and give them his phone number.
• You should choose a public setting where you feel comfortable and you have easy access to leave if you feel uncomfortable.
• It isn’t wise to send money to someone you meet online. You don’t know this person and the chances are they are scamming you.
Statistics show that online dating is the third most popular way of meeting a partner. The most popular way for people to meet a partner is through friends, work or pubs and clubs. Brian O’Neill is the creator of the dating website SparkDating.ie.
This Irish website currently has 10,000 members. He said most people still feel embarrassed to admit to finding their partner online.
“My view is that most Irish people need a good shake when it comes to dating. Put simply, most people do not discuss dating at all, never mind online dating,” says Brian.
“It is a basic human need that we want companionship, but if people say this then they are accused of being ‘desperate’. This is linked into the general thing that most Irish people find it difficult to talk about their emotions, “he adds. “Personally I met my wife through the site, and I have friends who met their partners through it,” says Brian.
