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Do we patronise too much? 

Do we patronise too much?

We all have to face critical situation in life at some point. During that weak time we gather some negative and sad stuff inside. We start to move towards the disappointing, hopelessness, depression, fear and all kind of negativity. All of these conditions are result of any tragedy or failure. Sometime, these situations fetch up to us the border line of life and death. Especially, when we lose our most precious thing, relation or fail to achieve any goal.

But to move on in life we need to get rid of this sorrowful condition and for that we always need moral support from family, friends, co-worker or anyone else who can listen to us and understand our feelings. We need sympathy or empathy and all types of kindness from the other person. We really need someone for catharsis.

In this time some people are lucky. They find or they have someone real person around them who help them to come out of this condition. They help to vent the aggression, frustrations or all negativity but, some people suffer more when they share their feelings with someone or when people know about their problems.

Apparently, they show sympathy with the person but at the same time they try to highlight flaws and disqualifies of the person which were the reasons of this bad time.  They realize the person you are also responsible of your failure. And this behaviour is called ‘’PATRONIZE”.

They treat in a way that is apparently kind or helpful but that betrays a feeling of superiority .they tell the success stories of their own and the people them. They try to relate those stories with their qualities. According to them, their superiority is because of their good qualities. But, unsuccessful people are responsible for their failure. They give so many suggestions and advices like you should not have done this or you should have to do this etc,.

During that time, they don’t realize that the sad person needs their kindness or encouragement.  This is not a proper time for advice and suggestions to a sad person.  If, the suffered person ask for advice or suggestion at that time you can do but without hurting him.

Most of the time patronize behaviour creates more difficulties for the suffered person.  This person already suffers critical condition plus has to face patronizing from the one who is sympathetic figure for him apparently.

Everyone has different capacity range to face the difficulties of life. Some people manage bad time easily or more quickly. Even they don’t really share their all feelings with everyone or anyone. But, some people are really sensitive and at the sensitive time when they face patronizing. They move over to more negativity and stop trusting.

We all need helping hand, support, love, attention from our around people in different time, in different situations. I think, this is very beautiful feelings when you do something good for someone makes his life easier comfortable even a single positive beautiful line or word.

We listen or read many times this line that ‘’A drowning man will clutch at a straw’’. It means a small action can play a big role at that time, when someone who is desperate for help, even if it is really no helps at all.

So, if someone trusts us and shares his emotions and feelings we should listen carefully. Our behaviour shouldn’t be a judgemental at all. If we feel this person needs some advice or suggestions then we should wait until to come out the person from negative feelings. And never shows the person that you are feeling pity on him or he is the unfortunate or alone person of this world who is suffering from this problem. Try to tell the person about those people who are suffering more than him. Share your personal bitter experience and how you come out from that critical situation. This behaviour can be more helpful and affective to boost up the person who is thinking himself completely down or finished.

One Response

  1. Tony Kennedy says:

    Very well written article. You break down the complex nature of emotions very well. Which is no easy feat to achieve in a journalistic piece. Keep it up

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